Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

I LOVE THIS BOOK, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK FOR EVERYONE TO READ!!! 💜 💕 ❤️ IT CAN OPEN YOUR EYES. MIND, AND HEART, TO HELP YOU START TO UNDERSTAND THE WHYS ABOUT YOURSELF. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO ANYONE WHO PLANS ON BEING A PARENT AND TO PARENTS OF ANY AGE!!! A MUST READ FOR EVERYONE!!!

Toxic Parents is a great resource for anyone who is suffering abuse at the hands of a parent. Susan Forward is an internationally recognized therapist and writer, who has also hosted her own ABC talk radio program. As the director of Luke 17: 3 Ministries, a ministry for Adult Daughters of Abusive or Controlling Birth-Families, I must say that, next to the Bible itself, I have found Toxic Parents to be an invaluable resource for dealing with relatives who will destroy you if you allow it. When you love a family member, and treat them with love, it is hard to understand, or believe, that they would return your love with abuse and maliciousness. But unfortunately, that is reality for many of us, and this book helps us to come to terms with that, and protect ourselves from our family's destructiveness. Do your parents still treat you like a child? Do they control you with threats or guilt or manipulate you with money? Does it seem that no matter what you do, it's never good enough? As a child, did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems? Do you still? Toxic Parents explains the dynamics of a dysfunctional family in a very easy-to-read format. Types of toxic parents are discussed in detail, such as inadequate parents, controllers, alcoholics, verbal, physical, and sexual abusers, as well as the family system and why parents behave this way. Some topics covered are: Spoken and Unspoken Rules, Obedience No Matter What, I Don't Know Where You End and I Begin, No One in This Family is an Alcoholic, The Family Balancing Act, and Fear of Anger. We are shown the rigid mechanisms by which toxic parents cope, such as Denial, Projection (accusing or blaming the child), Sabotage, Triangling (confiding in or enlisting the child against someone else), and Keeping Secrets. The reader is given steps to reclaim her life and instruction on assertiveness, how to state what you are or are not willing to do, and how to confront your parent, including old, ill, or deceased parents. The chapters on confrontation are especially valuable, teaching what to expect and how to handle your parents' reactions( 'It never happened', 'It was your fault','I said I was sorry', 'We did the best we could','Look what we did for you', etc.), as well as your siblings' reactions and reactions from other assorted relatives. Toxic Parents teaches you that you are not responsible for your parents' behavior, teasing, neglect, abuse, or unhappiness, their problems, or their choice to do nothing to solve their problems. Your parents are responsible for their own lives and their own actions. This book will help you decide what kind of a relationship, if any, you can have with your parents. It helped me recognize much of what was going on in my own dysfunctional birth-family, and is a very valuable tool for anyone who needs help in understanding and freeing herself from a situation that is poisoning her life. It will open your eyes- and I highly recommend it to anyone dealing with "parent" issues in their adult lives.

"As you gain more control over your past and present relationship with your parents, you will discover that your other relationships, especially your relationship with yourself, will improve dramatically. You will have the freedom, perhaps for the first time, to enjoy your own life." Perfect parents do not exist. As humans, we make mistakes on a daily basis, and parents are human beings after all. They have their own set of problems and ways to deal with them. But some parents, either by omission or commission, manage to wound their children causing them issues that will haunt them into their adult lives, influencing their relationships, careers, studies, dreams, and ultimately their perception of themselves and the way they see and interact with the world. The first half of the book describes the mechanics behind different types of dysfunctional family units (inadequates, controllers, addicts, verbal/physical/sexual abusers) and how these dynamics affect children. The second half offers the tools the make a positive change, in both cognition and action, to reclaim the sense of self and worth. The first step in overcoming trauma is having proper knowledge and understanding how it operates, and this book is a total spot on. It's by far one of the greatest work I've read on the subject. It's validating, reassuring and empowering. The author wrote it using a compassionate voice, but I must warn caution and ease while reading. Some parts of the book will be highly triggering for some people because it contains several experiences of the author's clients, to exemplify each of the situations and also to demonstrate that no matter how hard your upbringing was, you are not alone. I would recommend this book not only to those who had a toxic family but to anyone who decides to start their own family, as a reference point to healthy parenting and care giving.

In this very sane and easy to read book, Susan Forward and Craig Buick lay out various problems with parents and ways to deal with them so as to break the cycle of generational abuse. It’s an excellent roadmap for confronting what’s going on and becoming self-defining. This kind of inner work isn’t for wimps. It takes enormous courage and the authors are clear about the fact that it upsets the apple cart of family dynamics. So much so that many people end up having to minimise their interactions with parents or even disconnect entirely. The payoff is freedom from guilt and shame and more energy to live an authentic life; to give and get genuine, healthy love instead of the counterfeit version you grew up with. It was written quite a while ago, but it’s as relevant as if it came out yesterday. Can’t recommend it enough.

I've tried reading a few books of this style. But this is the first that I felt really I really got something out of. Make sure to take your time with the exercises as they can be very revealing!

All I can say is wow. What a brilliant book. I had been in denial about the abuse I'd suffered and the damage it had caused, thinking I'd dealt with it and left it in the past - and not really understanding how deeply it affected me and all my adult relationships and decisions, and ultimately how much my depression and anxiety and self-loathing has been caused by my childhood. Because of this book I was able to face for the first time not just the overt abuse by my father, but the damaging passivity and guilt induced by my mother, and how much I needed a mother to protect me and mother me, and how instead from age 3 I took on the role of mother for her; always trying to save her from him and comfort her when she was crying. Meanwhile no one ever comforted me or cared for me, and Dad was known to me and my sister as' the ogre', as this terrifying figure we always tried to hide quietly from before he unleashed his anger at us. I feel in touch with my feelings now, and free of the crushing burdens of guilt and resposibility towards them both for the first time. I realise now I was an orphan really as I have been trying to rescue my mother since as far back as I can remember up until I read this book, and I was tring to make Dad love me, which will always been impossible. I was giving love to them both but receiving nothing but anger and callusness and selfishness back, and jealousy too. They have both saboutaged me in my careerand my hobbies, under supposed looking out for my best interests. I have been brutalised and have lived in fear my whole life and felt some how that everything was my fault and somehow if I kept trying to please them they would love and care for me the way parents should. I have been controlled and manipulated by them both, cancelled plans, forced not to move more than a couple of miles away, and coerced into doing what they want even as an adult. I feel at last able to see reality clearly and calmly, and put the responsibility for their behaviour where it belongs, which is on them. It is not up to me to make them happy, and what they both did to me and my sister was so wrong and we did not in any way deserve any of it. I feel free enough to make my own decsions without fear of their judgement or anger or tears, because at last I can see how it's my life not theirs, and they have taken enough of me over a lifetime. This book really shone a light on what my toxic parents did to me, and it was like a revelation. This book made me sad, it made me angry at them both and angry at myself for being blind for so long, but unltimately after grieving, it made me free. I'm 39 years old, but feel as though a weight has been lifted and I can start my life properly for the first time, with hope and strength and a vastly improved self-esteem. I can't recommend this book enough. I am so glad I bought it, not just for me, but for my sister too who found it as helpful as I did.

This book is absolutely amazing. For me the author has very un traditional approach and ideas that resonnate with me. This book really helped me understand why I act the way I act, better understand my fears and help me dealing with them. At the beginning I was a bit disapointed because there was no solution given in sight. But be patient and get to the end. The author structures the book the following way: 1) you can identify your issues (examples are provided) 2) she explains why people act one or the other way 3) she provides a recovery plan (that is fantastic in my opinion) You just have to be open minded

Un libro che aiuta tanto a capire e a riconoscere comportamenti familiari che ci tengono, tenevano, bloccati. Molto molto utile, una terapia da leggere.